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Participant Information

Gary Turchin

City:
Oakland
State:
CA
Country:
USA
Essay:

Iím not going to tell you everything is all right,
That getting a debilitating, methodically disabling Chronic illness has made me a richer, better, more enlightened person,
That Iíve made peace with the war inside
Made friends with my enemies
Made love to my beloveds
Made a compact with my god
Made myself a man amongst men.
I have not.
I have not.
I have only stood shoulder to shoulder with my frailties
Leaned on them
Had them lean on me
Stood amongst the broken weeds
Bled
Cried
Picked up my bags
And carried them down the road as before
As before

There is a difference though
There is

The load is oddly lighter
When you canít carry more
Less becomes you
Less and less becomes you
Not that you
or I
are less
Just that less truly is more
And thatís what I do have to tell you.
that less truly is more
drop a bag
drizzle a few drips away

in the end
not even skin
is worth its carry
worth its wait
or weight
in gold

shed even this
you garden snakes

the only load
I can discern
on the only road
worth its weight
in marigolds
is the abundant sparkle
of kindnessó
As much to self as otheró
And forgiveness,
The rich deep plunge of forgiveness,
To self
as much as to others

Not that I have forgiven
mind you
or been truly kind
Iím not going to tell you everything is all right
Remember?
Just that I canít carry the load of so much loathingó
As much to self as otheró
As I could before
And so it is the debilitating walk
That makes the walker lighter,
And so it is,
My conditionó
My new friend and comradeó
that strips me of my stripes
And leaves me defenseless.
And so, given no choice,
I celebrate defenselessness
I defend it

Come letís walk
talk
Thereís dripping to do
And dripping to be done

Remember, Iím not going to tell you everything is all right


Contact Gary:
gary@garyturchin.com

View Gary reading his new book:
"If I Were You"